Dating Your Spouse
By Don Gray, LMFT
I meet couples in my office who tell me they don’t have time to go on dates. Kids going here, there, everywhere. Can’t find a babysitter. Too tired. One reason after another. Here is the problem. If you are in marriage counseling, you need to get away together from the kids, the house, and your jobs and go on dates. You need to focus your attention on each other. Laugh. Tickle. Play. Relax. Escape.
“I don’t ‘have’ time.”
That is true. You need to MAKE time, instead of excuses. You figured out life to this point. You made time for baseball, work, homework, piano recitals, meals, bath time, and binge-watching Law and Order SVU (okay, maybe that’s just me). You have to get the calendar out, find the blank spots, and use those for dates. If there are no blank spots, you are doing too much. You probably need to cut something out. MAKE THE TIME.
“My kids are involved in everything.”
Baseball, fall ball, travel ball. Soccer, martial arts, flute lessons, dance, cheer, Wednesday night youth worship, church camp, church choir, etc. I get it. Our lives tend to revolve around our kids and their activities. The issue is that we as couples are losing each other. Couples need to get away for a few hours each week to remain connected.
“There are no babysitters.”
You just need to try harder. There are at least 15 teenage girls at your church who can babysit and who you can trust. Your kids have friends whose parents would love to have your kids over for a slumber party. You could even trade weekends with these parents and have a slumber party at your house. Get creative. This is critical.
One couple I talked to rejected every idea I had to help them get away for a few hours, so I tried to emphasize the importance of date night. I asked them if they were diagnosed with cancer and the doctor told them they needed surgery and chemo, would they say, “You don’t understand, Doc. I don’t have time for cancer treatment. I have to get my kids to taikwondopianocheersoccercamp…. AND… I work sir.”
No. You would get the treatment, right? Of course!
If your marriage is in enough trouble that you need marriage counseling, you need date nights. Your marriage has cancer, and the treatment is date night. This is critical. You must date your spouse.
